recently these words ring in my ear as a reminder that this statement is typically a lie. the code for "it's not that big a deal" is this: "it's actually a huge deal, but i don't know what to say or how to handle this...ahhhh."
tricky. all proper southern ladies fall into this minor deal trap. our friends need help...but it's not that big a deal. we have an injury that is throbbing...but it's not that big a deal. we have $100 in bills to pay and ($25) in our bank account...but it's not that big a deal. we're getting married...but it's not that big a deal. WELL, GUESS WHAT, IT IS A BIG DEAL. why can't we admit when something is important, scary, stressful, or in general "a big deal."
if you have dedicated every weekend for months to planning the perfect reception, don't pretend it all fell together after a magical dream in which flower arrangements and playlists appreared like a vision. if you have cut off your pinky, don't pretend it's a paper cut. if you are broke, don't pretend you forgot to deposit your paycheck. for goodness sake, call a spade a spade and deal with it.
take pride (but be careful that you are not totally bragadocious) in your hard work. if someone says "wow, this must have taken an eternity" respond with "thank you, i worked really hard." if you can't pay your bills, don't go out for drinks with friends so that no one will notice. (p.s. a declined debit card will tell on you). if you are hurting, for goodness sake accept the ice pack.
now i know this all sounds like too much to bear. girls who have it together never ask for help. girls who are strong never hurt. girls who look wealthy never back out on dinner. girls never let anyone down. period. well guess what...people can see right through you. do you honestly think the queen of england runs a country all on her own with no help and when asked how she managed to lead through a depression she replies with "oh it's not that big a deal."
so get over yourself. no one thinks you're wonderwoman. no one is coufused when you cover a gaping wound with a barbie band-aid. no one thought that your wedding reception fell out of the heavens in perfect arrangement. for real no one. so ask for help when you need it. admit defeat when you are clearly beaten. graciously accept compliments when you recieve them. and when you suddenly become a more honest, real, and lovely person to be around ...remember this post and thank me for getting in your face. i know you will want to...cause it is a big deal.
11 years ago
