yeah, but are you friends on facebook?

at what point in time did i morph into this alternate universe in which relationships are defined not by legitimate personal connections, but rather by your social networking status? seriously, when? i can't even believe that i have conversations that include the question "are you friends on facebook?" or "does he/she have an open profile?" or "can you see their pictures?" however, on a regular basis, i have detailed and important conversations about the connections and interests i share with people in a vast virtual universe--some of whom i have only spoken to once or twice in real life. for real, it boggles my mind.
this became a glaring concern as i recently made huge decisions based on information i gained via "online investigative reporting" (as i like to call it). i literally dove into drawn out discussions and subsequently oversized decisions based on the possibility of potentially inapproppriate cyber activity. i was actually alarmed enough by a facebook incident that it altered the way i behaved in the world of 3D. i must be crazy, right?
well, actually, the craziest part is that i'm not crazy at all! i'm actually in the majority (if everyone would honestly admit to their behavior).
i never imagined a time when my e-mail, facebook, twitter, and google chat etiquitte would be more telling about my personality than my actual face to face interactions with a live audience. i never imagined a time when i would update my status so regularly that it seemed only natural to tell hundreds of my closest friends that my hair dryer caught on fire. i never imagined a time when i would check out a profile much the way i would read an old fashioned paper resume to determine someone's "value." i mean, whoa, is this real life? and if it is...it's alarming.
now, normally, i blog about other people's behavior. normally, i point out how normal i am and how messed up other people are. well, today is no different. i am again floating in a sea of normal...however, every other crazy person i know gets to hop in their innertube of insanity and float along beside me as my "friend." maybe that is the beauty of this all?! it has messed us all up to such an extreme that maybe, just maybe, we're even. maybe.
so here's to you, facebook stalker, you know where your ex-boyfriend checked-in and who he was with at 9 am on a tuesday (and 1 am on a saturday) and now you can rest easy. here's to you, crazy guy, who has your friends add the girl you are crushing on so that when you view her profile together you will be able to come to some real solid decisions about her hair, make-up, wardrobe, and maternal instincts. here's to you, constant status updater, because you know, deep down, that other people do want to see a hundred funny pictures of your cat (and/or kids). and here's to me...cause if i have really become like all these other loons... i'll need a big ole glass of crazy with a twist just to keep up.

what the skype?!

so it has recently come to my attention that i am getting old. yep, i creak and pop in the morning, i have to take a pill at breakfast along with my multi-vitamin, i say things to my youth at the church like: "because i said so" and "because i'm the adult and you're the kid."
BUT in the midst of all these things i thought i was still hip. i thought my references were cool. i thought my clothes were "in". and i thought that i looked like i was still in college...early college. well, apparently, i'm wrong. here's how i knew i was delusional...
a couple of weeks ago i was with a bunch of old people at a conference(like 30-40 somethings. remember, two weeks ago i was still delusional). as the conference ended we were encouraged to stay in touch with the people we've met so that we could continue to learn from each other. since this is a national event the suggestion was made that we SKYPE. what?! what's a skype? i'd heard of it, i knew some people did it, i thought it may be trendy...but i don't like to always buy into trends?! am i left out?! does the whole world skype without me?! probably not, but like i was even going to ask the questions to find out!
then it was in my face: i have a vocational mentor who lives in texas. she was at this conference as well. she is over 40 with 2 children. she is like a "grown-up" version of me. while we were actually in the same town we decided to go to lunch. so, while we were sitting, scheduling meetings with one another on our iphones, and browsing the nearest ice cream shop using the places app. she says "so about skype, i don't know how to use it. do you do that?" i freaked out inside. jeenkies, she thought i should know! i hesitated to reply..."i've heard of it..."
what?! i'm like a 40 something with 2 kids! i'm out of the loop! i'm not a technical super wizard! crap. this snuck up on me. attacked me in the night. stupid skype.
it was at this point that we designed a covert operation to learn about skype. i mean then we will at least be in the know. she is going to trick her kids into teaching her. i say i'll google it then right away delete my browsing history. and we both wonder how we got to this point. how could we be iphone talking trend setters who don't know about skype and have to learn in underground classrooms?! wow.
now i know my computer doesn't have a webcam, it's about 25 lbs., and i bought it in college. but, i thought it was still a pretty cool computer. now i know it can't webinar very well (that whole webcam thing is apparently super functional)and it can't download songs with great ease (but like i have plans after 8 pm), and of course there is the skype debacle. however, it can buy a groupon, it can facebook, it can load usa today, and it can blog. i thought that was enough. gosh.
here's to google...thank you for keeping me current. here's to princeton...thank you for pointing out my oversight. here's to iphone...thank you for facetime (no downloads needed) and here's to skype...lame.

i thought this was wireless

well here we go again. sara v. technology (round 867). in the office on the left: a young, hip, knowledgeable, and efficient sara. and intruding upon her space: all the cords to everything that should be wireless.
seriously, this is how i feel right now. i have a wireless key board, mouse, the works. HOWEVER my desk is covered in 1 million wires. i am out of sockets in the wall outlets and honestly, the mess, is causing me to twitch.
how did this happen?! why does stuff have to come with so many cords?! but more importantly, why is it that we strive and strive to make life easier and somehow we just muck it all up?!
case and point: my first computer was an HP desktop that weighed about 1,000 pounds and had 2 games pre-stored, minesweeper and solitaire. i installed the Oregon trail and ran it as a DOS program. yes, this is all true. this computer was basic. it was not capable of fingerprint detection or voice recognition. and it for sure did not have wireless internet capabilities. however, it always worked. and i didn't even upgrade to the beast model (i'm pretty sure there were only 3 options IBM, HP, and apple. but don't quote me on that. p.s. none of them were particularly beast.) TODAY i have 2 laptops, 2 printers, and extra flat screen monitor, a hardwired network ordeal, a wireless router, a wireless mouse and keyboard and the most important white wire for itunes. all of this in my office. and TODAY the internet froze, gmail kicked me out while the internet was unfrozen, my printer ran out of ink after i found an online method for installing it because i lost a disc (i know my fault) and my monitor (that enhances my laptop) was wavy until 11 a.m! all of this technical hardship and no oregon trail to fill in my lunch break. is bigger better? does it really help me to have more stuff and more wires to make life simpler?
sometimes my answer is YES! i need my ipod and i need to be able to online shop for TOMS and kate spade discounts, however, technology has made me so dependant on stuff that my memory is poop and i'm broke.
for instance, i can't tell you any one's phone number. if i am involved in an accident and my airbags break my face and my phone there is no way i will be able to call a family member for assistance (that's after i call the rescue squad and fire department of course). and if i buy one more kate spade handbag because gilt is having a stellar sale i may have to file for bankruptcy (or maybe just be forced into a noodle diet).
i used to know all of my friends numbers by memory, AS WELL AS dominoes, the broadacres recreation club (the neighborhood pool), and STAR 102.1 (for free CD call in opportunities). i used to have money in a legit piggy bank and i was not inclined to spend it all in one place. as a matter of fact i used to save and save just to see how much i could get. i didn't know about all the cool fashions i was missing. i used to write letters on paper and scream when i got one of my own from the super cute boy from camp. i used to enjoy vhs even if i had to wait for the movie to rewind. now...don't even think about making me wait or telling me i can't have something. technology has enabled me to be a brat.
i can't say it's all bad and i won't say it's all bad. however, i can't help but wonder if it is all necessary. and i can't help but wonder why all this wireless stuff makes such of mess of cords.