all belles love picnic weather...

or do they? i really have my doubts. i know, i know all the movies and tv shows depict beautifully dressed southern gals gathering up their basket of goodies to sit under a tree with the perfect boy and a delightfully healthy lunch. adorbs. but is that really how it works? well for me it's not even close. there are a few problems i have found with this scenario: 1. my southern boy hates picnics. yeah of course he will go if i beg and promise to make it worth his effort, but that is not exactly the movie quality romantic scene i would prefer. lunch by force. no thanks. i can't imagine it's the way to get him to carve our names into a tree. as a matter of fact, i know that a picnic would irritate him so much that carving a heart around my name would be the last thing he did. 2. ants and flies and CRICKETS, oh my! yep, you guessed it...bugs live outdoors. well not really at my house i pay a lot of money each month to have them eliminated from their natural habitat. sue me. BUT, they do live outdoors in all logical picnic locations. i for one do not find it relaxing or romantic to swat flies away from the strawberry salad or fight ants for my sandwich. it's gross. you think it too, but fairy tales keep you from admitting it. here's how i see it, if i go downtown for dinner and there is a gnat in my water i am irritated and disgusted a little. i mean hello, i am not drinking bug juice. so, why would it be ok with me to swallow a fly just because i'm outside. it doesn't add up. 3. i like my food served at the appropriate temperature. now i am sure that there are just the right accessories for a hot or cold picnic, but have you priced those baskets lately? now don't get me wrong, what could be better than a basket that holds a wine bottle, two glasses, plus chilled snacks?! the answer you are looking for is nothing! but is it enough to take my wine and cheese to a field? no. it's also not a good enough reason to pay $150 for the perfect basket to keep my food from spoiling. which would thus spoil the rest of my post-picnic day. salmonella is not a joke friends. the fourth and final problem i find with a picnic... 4. i am not outdoorsy in life. why fake it? NOW, ALL THAT SAID, i think it is important to note that there are some things about the picnic concept that i love. for example, drinking outside. actually, that is the only thing i love about the picnic concept. i lied. there are not things, just one thing. wine. outdoors. perfection. so here's to the girls that work tirelessly to create prefect romantic afternoons. here's to the girls who bat their eyelashes at their southern boys in the hot sunshine. here's to the girls who love k-i-s-s-i-n-g under a tree. and here's to the girls who just love a good excuse to drink wine outside...you are invited to my picnic any day of the week...i'll the blonde on the patio with the happy as a lark boy drinking whiskey and watching the game. may not be fairy tale romance, but i'll take it.