do these heels make me look intimidating?

Katharine Hepburn once said "it is the plain women who know about love; the beautiful women are too busy being fascinating." i have to say, Katharine, i agree with you. i also have to say that i identify with the latter woman (the fascinating kind).
now i have never been accused of lacking confidence, opinions, or intelligence. as a matter of fact i believe in my heart that i am stocked up on all three of those qualities. that sounds like a good thing i know, but i am learning that fascinating is not always appealing. which, in my professional opinion, is a modern day tragedy.
i have a dear friend who i believe is similar to me in so many ways. i actually have a few dear friends who i consider like-minded. and i must say, that while i consider us each to be the total package, apparently we all have a fundamental flaw that is leaving us at the singles table at every wedding reception. it is also causing us to be replaced by less accomplished, more needy, and completely boring females.
now i have thought long and hard about what this flaw could possibly be and i have determined (after careful consideration) that it does not exist. it is a myth established by the authors of dating books to make us think that we need to amend who we are in order to be a marketable human being. i am here to say that is complete crap. i should never have to hear that i am sporting a defect. i should not pay $16.99 to read and that as soon as i get a total body, mind, and soul makeover i will be a 10. it is a scam and it is creating a generation of women who are worried about being professional, powerful, smart, and funny. if there is a flaw in this train of thinking it does not exist in us. it is a flaw found in others. others who are simple, unimpressive, sometimes rather handsome, and plain ole intimidated.
why is it bad to be a successful female capable of maintaining her own finances, dwelling, appearance, and mind? why is it bad to have a good job, be a good friend, and go great places? why would anyone be off-put by someone who does not need to be "tended?" why would anyone avoid someone who wants nothing more than to share her positive situation with you?
if you can answer any of these questions than i assume you are aligned with the enemy forces and your answer will be deemed outrageous and invalid. because, honestly, it doesn't make any sense to dodge people who are "together."
as females we are taught to be graceful, polite, fun, witty, and mild. but, in my house we were also taught to be self-sufficient, smart, well-rounded, and driven. i was taught that a smart girl is a pretty girl and that a pretty girl is fascinating. i want so badly to believe that i was taught correctly, but i seem to (more often than not) encounter people who were taught something so completely different. as a result i am often not invited to the ball and labeled sassy, intense, and harsh. which (lucky for me) i'm too shallow to stay bummed for too long. in my world, however, these descriptive words are simply synonyms for quick-witted, focused, and direct. none of which are bad things and we cherish these qualities my male counterparts.
so here's to all the gals who sit at the fundraiser dinners with their co-workers and make solid business transactions at the drink table. here's to the girls who wear heels everyday because we know that height is directly related to success and income. here's to the ladies who always open invitations addressed to ________ and guest. here's to the females who check emails and bank accounts on their iPhones. here's to the to all of us who understand how to be polite and firm. and here's to our dad's...may you know that even though we have not provided grandchildren yet, we will never need to move back into your house to get on our feet...we're good.

we don't do that here.

i love gatherings. i plan parties for fun. i buy dresses (on sale of course) just in case something comes up. i love it. coco chanel said once that "some girls were born with glitter in their veins" and i like to think that i am one of them. life is more fun when it sparkles.
that said, i can also be a big bucket of no fun if i want to be. another lovely lady i try to be at least a wee bit like is emily post, who said "etiquette is the science of living." she is right. there is a lot to be said for a glittery and gracious gal. i (naturally) am a fine example--if i do say so myself (kidding. gracious and braggadocious do not go hand in hand--i am aware).
anyway, why bother caring about being fun and sensible? why bother party planning and thank you note sending? why care what other people think of your behavior?
well, i'll tell you why, because if you don't you will spend quality time looking like a giant boob in front of your friends. because if you throw great parties and then act a fool people won't come back. because if you can't dress yourself appropriately for the town gala then you will be "that girl" for an undisclosed period of time.
regardless of how laid back my generation is or how open we are...we are crazy judgemental. case and point...this blog. people may say that they are super chill and super fun loving, but no one wants to look like a loser. no one wants to throw a shower and then not get invited to the event. no one wants to go to a wedding and then stand the whole ceremony because you decided to cheap out on seating. no one wants to drive to your birthday dinner and then find out no one bothered to make reservations for a party of 30 in advance. i mean let's be real...we expect things and when the expectations are not met...we tell everyone we know that your butt looked huge, the venue smelled like feet, the food was cold, and the drinks were (ugh) well. (none of which are compliments)
i have gone to weddings, taken gifts, driven across the state, and never received a thank you note. i have attended funerals in which an immediate family member showed up in a yellow leisure suit (this is to scary to be a lie). i have gone to fundraisers and watched people stumble around and lose a part of their anatomy from the top of their far to low cut dress. i have gone to weddings and watched people sneak out full bottles of wine from the bar, in turn, running up the bride's families tab. i have been to parties where the host didn't show up on time. for real.
i know what you are thinking...who the crap are your friends? the answer to that is, the people pointing and laughing at your attention grabbing but not so chanel fabulous behavior. all from our safe table of judgement, glitter, and poise...of course.
so here's to the people who think they are owed your presence and feel no need to thank you for your kindness. here's to the town drunks who may honestly not give a rip that they look a fool. here's to the party planners without a plan. and here's to me, who knows we don't do that here.

sugar and spice and everything nice...

that's what are little girls made of...all things delightful. i think this is unfair. it creates an unreal expectation for girls to be meek, adorable, poised, and peppy. girls are expected to maintain a standard of social excellence that is in all honesty, crap. here's why...
snakes and snails and puppy dog tails. that's what little boys are made of. so from birth we give boys an excuse to be gross, scary, rowdy, and unkempt. this means their social demeanor can be all of the above and no one really cares...it's how they are made.
well i protest. i would like to be able to have just one day of nothing but snakes and snails behavior. one day when i could speak my mind without being held to the southern belle standard. one day when i could just honestly release all the poise i've been fighting to maintain.
why the sudden rush of bad attitude...well of course it was brought on by a snake, snail, and boy acting like a big ole tail.
i work in a profession dominated by the opposite sex. which is fine. no complaints. until it becomes time to communicate. my sugar and spice is never really understood and when i have a day where i want to be a big pile of snails i am always the bad guy. never mind the slug attitude i tolerate on a regular basis. it's a double standard and it is unfair.
i think i should be allowed to speak my mind like everyone else WITHOUT being labeled a buttface. i think i should get to act out when i don't get my way WITHOUT being labeled high maintanence. i think i should be able to be completely irresponsible for a day WITHOUT being labled unprepared. i mean my male counterparts get to do all of the above and the rationale...oh that's just how boys are.
well, boys, grow up. believe it or not you too get older every year. believe it or not you too have to be positive members of communities. believe it or not you won't always get your way and life is not always fair. so stop your bellyaching and stop promoting double standards. really it's not benificial to you either. do you always want to be viewed as a little immature just because you are male? do you want to be the second person asked to complete a task because no one thinks you will get it done? do you want to be thought inadequate? do you really want people to say "that's just how he is?" do you want to be described as being composed of snakes, snails and puppy dog tails? really? really! i think not.
so here's to boys, may they be more like girls. not in a creepy way but just enough. here's to boys, may they grow up, shape up, and get up off their rear ends because us girls are tired of pulling around your dead weight. and here's to boys, may they understand that i don't dislike them i just needed a few minutes of snake behavior.