i have no secrets...

true story. if you want to know something about me...ask. i am usually just chomping at the bit to talk about myself. i mean, let's be honest. some people, however, over share. you know the type. instead of saying my tummy hurts, they exclaim in graphic detail how their women's problems really cramp their style. or instead of saying, where is your restroom, they announce what is about to go down once they get behind a stall door. i mean, really, is information always necessary? because in LOTS of situations i'm inclined to say that don't ask don't tell is a fair policy. but some people...
today i set out on a lunchtime adventure with a co-worker. our lunch conversations never lack substance, never lack humor, never lack a certain inappropriate fun factor, but they are typically our conversations. we have mastered the art of telling the whisper joke. we have perfected the art of pointing out "that person" without calling attention to ourselves. we are pros at leaving just enough to the imagination that the innocent bystander (if eavesdropping) would be curious and confused all at the same time. we are southern women and we know how to act.
but back to lunch...today we shared our area with some tourists from the north. we often share lunch with tourists since we live in a tourist town, but this day was extra special. these sweet visitors who are gladly pumping money into our local economy were textbook tourists. they were pale (with the exception of their sunburned necks), they were toting nylon backpacks, they were wearing sandals that would make you squirm, and dear old dad was sporting jorts. yes, they were textbook. but, what came from their mouths was neither anticipated, appropriate, nor quiet. and i loved the nightmare for all it was...awful.
the poor daughter was dressed like a hobo. every item was striped, bright, and too small. a happy as a lark little mis-matched girl. a girl who clearly has some concept of fashion (some tiny concept) but was stifled by her anti-stylish mom. when this little girl took a spot on the bench to wait she could not help but call attention to her mom's poor choice in apparel. "ugh, mom's wearing her spandex again." insert my giggle here. i was loving the honesty...until...mom replied in a loud and rather nasal sounding voice "yes, i am. when i get wet i chafe."
BOOM. what the crap just happened?! how do i not pee my pants with laughter? how do i not jerk my head around to look? how do i not yell "ewww!"? how do i stay calm and collected, and better yet, how will my friend not jump at this opportunity to bust a gut?
like i said before, us southern ladies know how to act...so we convulsed silently and waited for the traveling side show to leave our ear shot. then, we lost it. really? was that real life? did she say "wet" and "chafe" in one sentence? was that really out loud? was her husband not about to die of embarrassment? does she always share so so so very much info with the general public? and for goodness sake where was she going that needed a spandex lining?! (we could only hope dollywood's water ride department) regardless, it seems as if that conversation was neither well placed, well planned, nor well received.
again, as an over talker myself i know the temptation to be a goober. i know it is hard to stop yourself once your mouth is open and words are in progress. i know it is so easy to blurt a response. but i also know it is not always smart...and well, i always want to seem smart :)
so here's to the ladies who talk to loud in public--no we don't care what you ate for lunch or who you ate with, but we'll get over it. here's to the gals who can't keep a secret--secretly, we love all the information you share and would never admit to being closet busy bodies. here's to the females who must have the last word--we know it's a sickness and really you can't help it. and here's to the gals who tell way too much--please know chafing is never an appropriate subject for public places. and, chances are, the details of your child's birth, your recent stomach bug, the surprise romantic weekend, or your recent trip to the lady doctor are also not appropriate topics for the waiting area at your (or someone else's) local cafe.

p.s. jorts are so 1986...please have your husband return them to the decade in which he found them. bless his heart.

do these heels make me look intimidating?

Katharine Hepburn once said "it is the plain women who know about love; the beautiful women are too busy being fascinating." i have to say, Katharine, i agree with you. i also have to say that i identify with the latter woman (the fascinating kind).
now i have never been accused of lacking confidence, opinions, or intelligence. as a matter of fact i believe in my heart that i am stocked up on all three of those qualities. that sounds like a good thing i know, but i am learning that fascinating is not always appealing. which, in my professional opinion, is a modern day tragedy.
i have a dear friend who i believe is similar to me in so many ways. i actually have a few dear friends who i consider like-minded. and i must say, that while i consider us each to be the total package, apparently we all have a fundamental flaw that is leaving us at the singles table at every wedding reception. it is also causing us to be replaced by less accomplished, more needy, and completely boring females.
now i have thought long and hard about what this flaw could possibly be and i have determined (after careful consideration) that it does not exist. it is a myth established by the authors of dating books to make us think that we need to amend who we are in order to be a marketable human being. i am here to say that is complete crap. i should never have to hear that i am sporting a defect. i should not pay $16.99 to read and that as soon as i get a total body, mind, and soul makeover i will be a 10. it is a scam and it is creating a generation of women who are worried about being professional, powerful, smart, and funny. if there is a flaw in this train of thinking it does not exist in us. it is a flaw found in others. others who are simple, unimpressive, sometimes rather handsome, and plain ole intimidated.
why is it bad to be a successful female capable of maintaining her own finances, dwelling, appearance, and mind? why is it bad to have a good job, be a good friend, and go great places? why would anyone be off-put by someone who does not need to be "tended?" why would anyone avoid someone who wants nothing more than to share her positive situation with you?
if you can answer any of these questions than i assume you are aligned with the enemy forces and your answer will be deemed outrageous and invalid. because, honestly, it doesn't make any sense to dodge people who are "together."
as females we are taught to be graceful, polite, fun, witty, and mild. but, in my house we were also taught to be self-sufficient, smart, well-rounded, and driven. i was taught that a smart girl is a pretty girl and that a pretty girl is fascinating. i want so badly to believe that i was taught correctly, but i seem to (more often than not) encounter people who were taught something so completely different. as a result i am often not invited to the ball and labeled sassy, intense, and harsh. which (lucky for me) i'm too shallow to stay bummed for too long. in my world, however, these descriptive words are simply synonyms for quick-witted, focused, and direct. none of which are bad things and we cherish these qualities my male counterparts.
so here's to all the gals who sit at the fundraiser dinners with their co-workers and make solid business transactions at the drink table. here's to the girls who wear heels everyday because we know that height is directly related to success and income. here's to the ladies who always open invitations addressed to ________ and guest. here's to the females who check emails and bank accounts on their iPhones. here's to the to all of us who understand how to be polite and firm. and here's to our dad's...may you know that even though we have not provided grandchildren yet, we will never need to move back into your house to get on our feet...we're good.

and what have you done this year?

it's that time of year again. time to haul out the holly, deck the halls, trim the tree, and blissfully enter into a winter wonderland. yes, you guessed it...it's christmas!
now this christmas i was tempted to put out a nativity scene, place a symbolic star on top of my martin luther inspired tree, and attend a candlelight service on christmas eve with my friends and family, BUT why bother with all that jazz when i could be piecing together my CHRISTMAS NEWSLETTER!
yes friends, the newsletter. that most important of christmas symbols. the glorious piece of paper that accompanies my festive cards and allows me an outlet for sharing all the reasons i'm cooler than you. since it is so terribly important i thought it would just be selfish of me to not share my year with all my blogging buddies. i hope you enjoy reading about my year as much as i enjoyed actually participating in it.
**please read the following anticipating my voice inflection...it will be more fun that way! and also please read with the lens of a girl who thinks this entire practice is nothing more than a platform for bragging and embellishing. i have always believed that a life worth knowing about need not advertise.**



THE PIERCE PAGES
A SEASONAL NEWSLETTER FROM THE HEART OF MY HOME TO YOURS!

2011 has been a whirlwind of a year! where has the time gone?! haha but seriously, it seems like only yesterday i was unpacking boxes in my brand new home and trying to find the perfect duvet to compliment my beautiful estate sale furniture! yes, home ownership has consumed most of my year and has directly correlated to my increased number of visits to bed, bath, and beyond!
all that aside 2011, has been a year full of blessings! one blessing is the crazy increase in miles that my frequent flyer program has seen. i have been a real jet setter! when i wasn't enjoying theology classes at Princeton Theological Seminary i made time for delicious cheesecake in New York! my sweet friend katie accompanied me in the big apple and boy did we leave our southern mark! my next adventure sent me, katie, and my dad packing for Boston! who doesn't love a Red Sox game at Fenway! really the green monster (or green monstah as the natives say) is second to none. it was just a little short trip at the end of the summer. we all needed a little baseball escape! the next trip will take katie, terri, and i to Charleston over new years to see our dear friend susan. we couldn't think of a better way to ring in the new year.
now not all my travels were for pleasure. my sweet youth girls and i had a weekend retreat to Asheville. the Biltmore is so amazing...we were like princesses for a day! i also spent two weeks doing mission work for those less fortunate. one trip took my group to Hazard, KY where we did some serious home repair and the next trip took us to Myrtle Beach where we were instrumental in starting a new church. what an amazing experience. God is good!
now, you didn't think this east tennessee gal would spend all her time away! of course i had to be home for football season! this year my vols broke my heart a little, but that didn't mean we couldn't still enjoy all the tradition of big orange football. the vol navy was out in force and the time on the water is totally worth the work it takes climbing from boat to boat. the hot dogs were perfect and coach dooley's pants were just right.
on a not so positive note my poor hip and back have been in a mess. i think that mission work and all that time on the tennessee river have caused some injury. so physical therapy is the name of the game and the outlook is good! (i hope)
in other news, i've bought a new car, a couple of new Kate Spade bags (to die for), and of course clothes that still have the tags!! it's so hard to pass up a great sale! haha
last but not least, ellie may (i know you were wondering), is doing beautifully. she is still the most impressive K9 i have ever encountered. i am concerned that she may have a faulty thyroid, but that is completely treatable. she has her stocking hung by the chimney with care and i know she is dreaming of all the dentasticks that will fill it up on christmas morning.
well, i have already said too much. this letter always gets away from me! so, until i have a chance to share with you how important i am next year--i hope you and yours have a completely MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!
all my love, Sara