yeah, but are you friends on facebook?

at what point in time did i morph into this alternate universe in which relationships are defined not by legitimate personal connections, but rather by your social networking status? seriously, when? i can't even believe that i have conversations that include the question "are you friends on facebook?" or "does he/she have an open profile?" or "can you see their pictures?" however, on a regular basis, i have detailed and important conversations about the connections and interests i share with people in a vast virtual universe--some of whom i have only spoken to once or twice in real life. for real, it boggles my mind.
this became a glaring concern as i recently made huge decisions based on information i gained via "online investigative reporting" (as i like to call it). i literally dove into drawn out discussions and subsequently oversized decisions based on the possibility of potentially inapproppriate cyber activity. i was actually alarmed enough by a facebook incident that it altered the way i behaved in the world of 3D. i must be crazy, right?
well, actually, the craziest part is that i'm not crazy at all! i'm actually in the majority (if everyone would honestly admit to their behavior).
i never imagined a time when my e-mail, facebook, twitter, and google chat etiquitte would be more telling about my personality than my actual face to face interactions with a live audience. i never imagined a time when i would update my status so regularly that it seemed only natural to tell hundreds of my closest friends that my hair dryer caught on fire. i never imagined a time when i would check out a profile much the way i would read an old fashioned paper resume to determine someone's "value." i mean, whoa, is this real life? and if it is...it's alarming.
now, normally, i blog about other people's behavior. normally, i point out how normal i am and how messed up other people are. well, today is no different. i am again floating in a sea of normal...however, every other crazy person i know gets to hop in their innertube of insanity and float along beside me as my "friend." maybe that is the beauty of this all?! it has messed us all up to such an extreme that maybe, just maybe, we're even. maybe.
so here's to you, facebook stalker, you know where your ex-boyfriend checked-in and who he was with at 9 am on a tuesday (and 1 am on a saturday) and now you can rest easy. here's to you, crazy guy, who has your friends add the girl you are crushing on so that when you view her profile together you will be able to come to some real solid decisions about her hair, make-up, wardrobe, and maternal instincts. here's to you, constant status updater, because you know, deep down, that other people do want to see a hundred funny pictures of your cat (and/or kids). and here's to me...cause if i have really become like all these other loons... i'll need a big ole glass of crazy with a twist just to keep up.