clean up. company's coming.

this is a phrase i heard oh so often as a kid. at my house we didn't mind to live in our own mess we just didn't want other people to know we did. we would clean our house like it was about to endure military inspection before my grandma came to visit. and before christmas eve you would think that we had suddenly been asked to participate in the parade of homes. yes sir, we cleaned up before anyone had a chance to see our normal day mess.
now does this mean we lived in a trashed out home every day my grandma wasn't visiting. nope, not at all. but as most girls do, my sister and i never could get dressed in the morning without trying on the bulk of our belongings (nothing has changes) and then piling all the unsuitable attire on the bed. the bulk amount of clothes alone was enough to render a suprise visit from anyone a nightmare...for my mom.
i have recently learned, however, that other people do not share my families love for a tidy dwelling place. neither do they care if other people see the disaster they live in. how did i learn this you ask? i'll be happy to fill you in.
house hunting. house hunting should require a physical examination, at least 17 shots, and proper attire...a mask and gloves. people are disgusting and the most disgusting have decided that the only way to escape their filth is to sell their house. ever heard of merry maids? ever met mr. clean? would you mind to call in the brawny man? for real, your house needs some elbow grease and a bug bomb. yuck.
now i know that i have OCD tendencies. and i know that i am an organization freak. i know i was forced to value clean as a child. and i know that my 2nd biggest fear is hoarders. so clearly these things combine to make one tough critic...but come on. if you are trying to sell your house you don't need to advertize it's live in potential but displaying from floor to celing trophies that your child won 25 years ago and were only dusted the day it went on the shelf. you don't need to advertize that you are a top notch mechanic by leaving your 1984 trans am on blocks in your otherwise spacious garage (or driveway). and for goodness sake, do not advertize that your home is an artists dream come true by displaying all the colors that inspire you on the 4 walls in the master bedroom. what are you thinking? for real, are you kidding? do people put their house on the market as a hilarious candid camera bit?
needless to say i have been astonished. internet house shopping is so easy...and so misleading from time to time. realtors, you are so smart. you know just how to stand to catch the right amount of shadow and mask a wall color. you know just how to describe a gross dwelling place by saying it needs a little TLC. and you know just how to make a junk yard sound like the resident of an avid antiques collector.
my request, stop. please don't try to hide the disaster. please tell the hunter that "this place is a trainwreck and it needs an HGTV overhaul." and home owners, please, for the love of pete, clean your junk. depersonalize your house and try to be neutral. please, if you don't mind, pick up for dirty clothes and flush the toilet. here's a tip, when you sell your house, pretend that everyday it's on the market is a day you'll be getting a grandma visit. and if you have no intention of doing any of the above...leave a mask on the entry table (with some "thank you for stopping" prewrapped mini candy bars).