the good, the bad, and the bald.

so in light of all the recent "in my faceness" that the world of relationships has provided me i have decided to weigh in on the subject.
i have noticed that there are 3 types of men that seem to always take up space in my atmosphere, the good, the bad and the bald. now yes, some men are more than one of these things. for example, i recently had an encounter with a guy who seemed good, was really bad, and totally bald. he was a rare bird...one i was sure was met with extinction by the age of 30. not this joker. rare. now i also know someone who is good and bald. he's not such a rarity. most 30-something dads are good (out of necessity) and bald is often an unfortunate by-product. but all the same he fits the type. i have also recently exchanged words with a just pain good male. nice, attractive, fairly hip, and unthreatning. likewise i have also met bad...every female knows this clown. they make bee lines for all breathing women in public places. often they are wearing graphis tees and sporting a fedora. now good and bad is a combo that i think is a true myth. can you really be an even mixture of good and bad...no way. everyone leans one way or the other. so any male who advertises himself as a good 'bad' boy is instantly on my lidar. these cats are a mystery and really best left untouched...they may not be up-to-date on their shots.
so now that i have described the types i will share why this alarms me so. ready, here goes. none of them are dateable dudes. the good ones are typically taken (by females who leave little to be desired). the bad ones are trainwrecks and really no upper 20s female needs a project THAT consuming. i mean, it even requires wardrobe transitions...not cool. the bad and bald have 2 instant strikes. they bring a crap game to the plate and any girl with even a shread of integrity will strike this guy out before he even snags a number. the good and bald are wonderful to know and are totally pre-occupied, but maintain these friendships because one day they and thier families will be who you go to chuck-e-cheese with on friday nights. and the good 'bad' guys...again, liars.
after breaking down the subjects that i tend encounter i realized that i am single out of necessity. i am solo for the sake of dodging embarassment. and i am buying plane tickets for 1 because there are currently no valid travel partner options.
so here's to all the other gals who attract hot messes. here's to the girls who go home on friday nights thinking "i shaved my legs for that?" and here's to the ladies who are single because an acceptable alternative seems to also be hiding out in his house DVR-ing the same episodes of the big bang theory in an effort to skip all the uncomfortable rituals of mating.