you say you are a parent?

just earlier today i encountered one of the single most disturbing fashion concepts ever. now brace yourself...squeaky shoes. yes, that's right, shoes that squeak on purpose. now this sounds far fetched, but i assure you this was a legit shoe. who, you ask, would wear such a shoe? a three year old little girl is the answer you are seeking, and when you hear why i hope that you (like i was) will be appalled.
now, my first thought was "get that sweet little girl some new tennis shoes!" (as it was clear to me that the bubble in the heel of her nike air max was busted) however, when i exclaimed "oh my that's a loud little sneaker?!" i was told, i know they're supposed to be like that. "WHY??!!" i asked. the response, so she doesn't get lost.
now time out here. so she doesn't get lost? because your 3 year old is often on perilous adventures which could render her lost in the woods, or lost at sea, or lost in kroger which would then render you helpless because she was exploring alone without parental supervision???
really, is that the reason? no, not possible.
so after nearly having a mini-stroke in public i felt compelled to step up onto this soapbox:
i am not a parent, most of my friends are not parents, i am rarely with small children, but i am a living breathing human being with common sense and that alone affords me the right to weigh in on this victory of parenting. or rather, this lack of authority possessed my many parents.
when i was little i stayed with my parents in all situations. how did i know to do so?? because, a. i did what i was told and b. if i didn't there would have been consequences (and i was not interested in that at all). i imagine that there would have been a swat on the rear. there would have been a toy taken away. i would have heard the stern voice that my dad used when he was really mad (which tended to be far worse than any punishment he could have dreamed up). the long and short of this story is that i wasn't given the option to roam freely. i wasn't in charge of making the decisions at my house, and i didn't dispute that fact.
now i am not saying that my parents were superior to other parents...they were just superior to the ones who couldn't seem to remember where their children were. and i feel sure that my parents didn't ride the extreme wave of the helicopter parent. rather, they were just "around."
these stinking squeaky shoes irritated the pee out of me not because the kid was running around making more noise than a tickle me elmo, but simply because of what it says about the thought process of many parents. I simply can't understand the extreme lack of parental instinct. people who are intelligent, well-rounded, and travelled are running around with squeaky shoe kid for the simple reason that "watching" her would be too difficult and taxing. this 3 year old has a built in alarm because it would be too time consuming to hold her hand. she has shoes that sound like dog toys because her parents can't trust themselves to remember she exists. she is forced to annoy not only herself, but also everyone around her, so her parents can multi-task. sad.
so i make a plea to parents. please step up and be responsible for your children. please make your kids a high priority. please do not tempt them to run away from you to find greener pastures. and please please please make the decision when you are making a baby (or before) to love them so much that you wouldn't dream of losing them like your high school ring or the mystery dryer sock. this is not much to ask and i assure you it is not hard. you find your car keys and the remote without having to install a beeping tracking device... and last time i checked the kids are much bigger.
so, here's to parents, you have a tough job. here's to the parents who would love a nap but can't because your kid is on the swing set with the neighbor kid. here's to the parents who returned the baby leash they received at the shower because it just looks silly. here's to the parents who sleep with one eye open in case the boogy man shows up in the middle of the night. and here's to the parents who buy their kids plain jane quiet shoes...you may not hear them but you would never forget they are there.