have you got a reindeer up your butt?

gosh, i hope not. this quote from Ouiser (steel magnolias) always cracks me up. and on numerous occasions i have wanted to belt it out...but being a proper southern lady i have thought better of it.
where, you ask, have i felt as if i have come in contact with individuals suffering from a painful reindeer probe? well...the mall of course, joann's fabrics, target, kirkland's, world market...i could go on forever. these places seem to bring out the best in christmas sales and at the same time the worst in christmas behavior.
saturday, i decided to take a trip around town to seek out some bargains. i was not christmas shopping, mind you, i was selfish shopping. home furnishings and up to date decor. what better time to redecorate then when the store is on sale! however, i noticed right away that others were not as jovial as i was, nor were they as relaxed. they were on a mission and i was an unfortunate road block. i was preventing people from getting the keurig they needed becasue i was lolly gagging in the k-cups department searching out an awesome new flavor. i was directly interfering with people's ability to get the best christmas ornament ever because i was in no hurry to find both me and my parents a new home 2010 ornament. i was blocking the road when i couldn't decide which beer should complete my mix and match 6 pack and for goodness sake all they wanted was 40 bottles of the angry elf seasonal. needless to say...i was not making anyone's season brighter.
well, naturally, i decided to play up my good fortune. while i was feeling so jolly i decided to see how may people i could irritate just by being myself. the response was overwhelming. i was disliked in a real way, a pain in a major way, and just generally in the way. but i did find an adorable throw for the new sofa, an upholstery fabric (that didn't make me twitch) for the accent chair, and some new tervis tumblers that will be a wonderful addidion to my k-cup filled mornings.
all in all a shopping success. for me at least. and i hope that other people were able to make it through the day with all the wrapping paper, bows, wii games, and $3 dvd's they could handle. i mean after all isn't that what christmas is all about?